Conversations are essential to all relationships and as I travel through my relationships I began to realize this idea to be much deeper. I began to study my interactions with others and analyze the past and present relationships. The relationships I lost was mainly the lack of conversations that were needed. The relationships I have continued to cultivate, are alive and healthy conversations that have not stopped.
Those relationships that have faded in my past and the relationships that I have had for years are the ones that made me think about my actions or the things I didn't do or say. The main variable that is consistent is the conversations I refuse to begin or the conversations I passively ignore because of the fear of the truth. I am taking full accountability of who I was during these conversations. I believe that we all must take accountability instead of always being the victim. Yes, there are situations where I believe I was the innocent one, but as I step back and look at the whole picture I discover my fingerprints were a part of the destruction of the relationship. Let us be clear, not all relationships are meant to be long term relationships but all relationships should be where we are able to grow, learn, and use these relationships as examples of what to do and what not to do.
Every relationship I have had in my life has been enlightening, but I didn't always agree with this especially right after a relationship has ended. It takes growth and being aware of who you are and your worth. This is a process, not a destination.
The “relationship is the conversation” so if this is true, we keep the relationship alive and healthy by having authentic conversations. There are four principles that I believe will build a strong foundation for any conversation. The four principles are:
Learn and Growth
These four principles can transform a relationship to be more than small talk or just a short term relationship that does not add value to you and the other partner.
First, being present is significant to the conversation because if you are not mentally and emotionally available in the conversation, the conversation does not exist and it actually never happens. Being present is making sure to put everything else on pause that is outside the conversation. Thinking about what you have to do next, or still experiencing what happens before the conversation will block you from being present. Being aware of your presence and how that will impact the conversation also allows you to have better reactions during and after the conversation.
Validation is what all humans need yet validation is somewhat a gift and a curse. People who are using their voice and sharing their presence with you want to know you see them and do you hear them. We have a voice that must be heard and if there is one thought that makes us feel our voice does not matter we take our existence away. Being present alone in the conversation does not make the other person feel you truly respect them and that you want to be in that moment with them. However, once you make it known that you see them and you are there to hear them, their wall will slowly start falling apart.
Once the wall begins to fall, you and the other person will become vulnerable and this is where being authentic appears within the conversation and the relationship. We all drive on reality and what is real. Being fake can only take you so far and even though there are many people who fake it through their life, troubles are always near. Their foundation is weak and even though they have many people surrounding them they are always searching for a real relationship. Being real and true to yourself, allows you to attract authentic people and people who strive to be authentic. For some people being true to themselves is a challenge and hard because of the need to be accepted and loved by all. People like this usually have not identified who they are which requires them to know their values, their purpose, and where they desire to be. “To be” is being aware of who you are, loving yourself unconditionally and accepting all of you.
Being in love with yourself is consistent work because you how to be aware of your inner thoughts and how you talk to yourself every day. Just one thought can redesign your life and that is why it is essential to be aware of your thoughts. Your inner thoughts affect how you converse with others which affects your relationships. Once we practice these three principles we find ourselves learning and growing into better human beings and better partners. Every conversation is a step to building and leading to your future self. We must be aware we have the power of constructing our future with every conversation.